True Love Waits? - Sexual Purity and Commitment
Have
you ever made a commitment to sexual purity? When I was a teenager I participated in the “True Love
Waits” campaign that our church did every year with the youth group. We signed a commitment card that said
something like this:
“Believing
that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself,
my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity
including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical
marriage relationship.”[1]
While
this commitment helped me to abstain from the act of sex itself, the older I
have become and the more I have studied God’s word the Bible, I have realized
that I was far from sexually pure before marriage.
As
a youth and college pastor at my church, I have often wrestled with the idea of
calling my students to a sexual purity commitment. While I think the “True Love Waits” commitment above is a
good attempt at calling students to higher level of purity, it falls far short
of the sexual purity that is a part of the holiness that God calls us to in the
Bible as Christians. Is abstinence
from sex until marriage the only thing God asks of us to be sexual pure? I don’t think so. Is a “belief that true love waits” a
real motivation for sexual purity?
What does that phrase mean exactly anyway? I think a “belief that true love waits” is a miniscule
motivation compared to the Bible’s call to holiness in a pattern after God’s own
holiness. In addition, there are
questions around the commitment itself.
Should we burden kids with a commitment that we know they can’t
keep? I mean most guys break their
commitment to sexual purity as soon as they look up from the card they just
signed, setting their sights on the pretty girl across the room. Does a youth throw out his commitment
as soon as he breaks it? Is making
an additional commitment beyond our general confession of Christ even Biblical? And what about adults? A commitment to sexual purity should
outlive our teenage years and pre-marital lives. In fact, sexual purity is something God asks of all His
people for their entire lives.
Despite
the hesitations above concerning a sexual purity commitment, I do think it is
valuable and biblical to call students and adults to a purity commitment. Let me give a few reasons why I think a
sexual purity commitment is valuable along with a few qualifiers. Following these reasons I have included
a commitment to sexual purity that I have written.
I
believe a commitment to sexual purity is valuable primarily because the
commitment helps to put the issue on the forefront of student and adult
minds. At a practical level,
because someone has taken the time to think about the issue biblically and how
it applies to their life and then made a personal promise in response, ever
time they are tempted to sin sexually the commitment comes to mind. Granted this commitment should
naturally be a part of someone’s commitment to follow Christ, but given the
sexually confused and broken culture we live in, it is worth spelling out a
little more. In addition, this
commitment itself becomes a conversation piece between my students, their
parents, and myself. I have asked
my students to share their commitment with their parents and to even ask their
parents to join them in the commitment themselves. Finally, we do see evidences of biblical personalities
committing themselves away from or to certain behaviors usually rooted in a
pursuit of holiness. Many times
Job 31:30 is pointed to as an example.
Now for a few qualifiers on what a sexual purity commitment should look
like.
First,
a sexual purity commitment must be rooted in the normal processes of the Gospel
for dealing with sin. A purity
commitment that leaves no place for confession and repentance is anti-Gospel
and is really nothing more than another moral law that we can’t keep. Instead we must have a commitment that
leaves room for confession and repentance. We have to agree with the apostle John in 1 John 1:9-10 that
Christians do sin and will sin and the proper response is ongoing confession
and repentance.
Second,
a sexual purity commitment must be focused on developing holiness in our
lives. A purity commitment cannot
just be a call to abstain, but must be backfilled with a pursuit of holiness
just as Peter calls us to in 1 Peter 1:14-16. We must learn to ask the question, “How can I be more Holy?”
instead of “How close can I come
to sinning and still be acceptable to God?” Even this question reveals our deceitful, sinful heart. Any sexual purity commitment has to
help us make a shift in our thinking towards a pursuit of holiness above a call
to abstinence.
Third,
we have to broaden our definition of what it means to be sexually pure. The idea of sexual immorality is far
more broad than “no sex before marriage.” It includes attitudes of the heart,
processes of the mind, and actions of the body. In my commitment below I have attempted to define sexual
immorality along more biblical lines.
Finally,
a sexual purity commitment should also give a path for staying pure. I have included in my commitment six
ways the Bible gives us for staying sexually pure.
I
have developed the commitment below based on a brief survey of the Greek word porneia pronounced (Poor-knee-uh) and related words and their uses in the Greek New Testament and the
LXX. This is the commitment that I
am currently calling my students too.
It is a work in progress, and I am sure I will make several more
revisions. Take a look and let me
know what you think. I have also
included the scripture that I used for each section in footnotes.
As
a Christian, would you be willing to make a commitment to sexual purity?
……..
I
______________________________________ Commit to a Sexually Pure Christian Life
as Follows:
Having Biblically Defined…
Sexual
immorality as any illicit sexual act (intercourse, foreplay, lesbian or gay sexual
activity, oral sex, self-stimulation, crude speech & joking, perverse attitude,
provocative dress, and the viewing of pornographic material or real people with
a lustful heart) done outside of, or against God’s properly defined venue for
sexuality, which is marriage, fulfilling our own sinful desires. Furthermore, this collection of
sexually immoral, sinful acts flow directly from our own hearts. Finally, the
effects of sexual immorality will leave us empty, used, unclean, and unholy
before God.[2]
Understanding that…
In
Contrast to the World the Bible has called us to abstain from sexual
immorality, flee from sexual immorality, and actively put to death the sinful
sexual desires of the world found in us.
We do not want to partner ourselves with the world in any way but rather
stand apart in holiness. As
Christians we want to ask how we can be more holy before God and not how close
we can come to un-holiness. We
understand that there should not even be a hint of sexual immorality among the
people of God.[3]
Understand how the Bible
defines sexually immorality, and we hearing its call to abstain from sexual
immorality, we will…
First,
repent of any sexual immorality in our lives we have committed thus far. In addition, we will commit to a
continued process of confession and repentance in this area of our lives
anytime we sin. We believe
participating in this ongoing process of repentance is the way we live out the
Gospel daily and without it this commitment is not possible. Second, we will cultivate the fruits of
the Spirit in our lives, particularly self-control. Third, we will make every effort to abstain from sexual immorality
including: intercourse, foreplay, lesbian or gay activity, oral sex, self-stimulation,
crude speech & joking, perverse attitude, provocative dress, and the
viewing of pornographic material or real people with a lustful heart. In addition this means we will save
ourselves for God’s ordained venue for sex, which is marriage. In the bonds of marriage we commit to a
sex life that is regular in frequency and not perverse in nature, but honors the image of God found in
both partners and the picture of the union of Christ and the Church. Fourth, we will stray from those that
claim to be Christians yet live sexually immoral lives. Instead, we will seek the mutual
accountability and building up of holiness between fellow Christians committed
to sexual purity. Fifth, we will
agree that Holiness is more important than our life setting (financially or
other) and will seek marriage if sexual immorality is becoming a problem for
us.
Finally,
we will make this covenant with ourselves because we want to strive for
holiness. We want to replace our
pursuit of sin with a pursuit for holiness. Our commitment must be rooted in the Gospel. That Jesus Christ died and rose for us
taking our sins and giving us His righteousness. Because of the work of Christ in us we will commit ourselves
to the higher calling of holiness in our lives.[4]
Signed
_____________________________________ Date ____________________
[1] This
commitment quote is from: http://www.lifeway.com/ArticleView?storeId=10054&catalogId=10001&langId=-1&article=true-love-waits
, Accessed 11/14/2012. The Logo is property of Lifeway and was accessed for use from: http://www.lifeway.com/Article/true-love-waits-downloads in accordance with the specified usages, Accessed 11/15/2012.
[2] Genesis
38:24, Ezekiel 16:15, Ezekiel 23:8, 1 Corinthians 5:1, Galatians 5:19-21,
Ephesians 5:3-5, Jude 7, Revelation 17:1-2, Revelation 18:3, Revelation 14:8,
Matthew 15:19, Mark 7:21-22, Matthew 5:27-28
[3]
Acts15:28-29, 1 Corinthians 6:18, Ephesians 5:3, Colossians 3:5-7, 1
Corinthians 7:1-40, 1 Peter 1:13-16, Titus 2:11-14
[4] 2
Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:22-24, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, 1 Corinthians
5:9-11, 1 Corinthians 7:2, Job 31:1
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